EPL Fails to Stay on Task, Again - Star Wars Scandal Evolves???

Is Yoda really e e cummings in space drag? 

Marketing Research - Tattoos

Help EPL gather data for its part time work as a Consulting Outfit More or Less, LLC.  If you are an average tattoo aficionado or a first-time tattoo victim,  which artist would you prefer?  Would it matter the nature of the tattoo, i.e. religious motif or secular scary as hell stuff?  A winner of a free deluxe piercing will be chosen at random, as will the site of the piercing.

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Finding One's Purpose - Glad to be of Help

Instead of just squawking and clucking about folks not knowing their purpose I decided to help out.  Here's my first patron, Wally By Golly.  He came to our Practice with anxiety over his role in life.  His personal life was nonexistent but he is not supposed to have any.  His professional life though caused much angst, which in a way was good because we get to charge more for "Angst" than just "Unhappy" or whatever.  We gave him a discount.  At the time he was driving a back hoe for a salvage company.  Well we literally took him out of that seat and put him behind the wheel of a dump truck.  Problem solved and now he is "Vocationally Complete" which is a better outcome than "Happy" somehow.  We can help you too with sliding fees. 

Wally By Golly, Fulfilled Dump Truck Driver

How to Discover your Life's Purpose - 7 questions to ask

Don't waste your time.  If you need to use a webitude checklist to determine your purpose then you ain't got no purpose, nothing much anyway.  - Me

My Lagan Love, Beautiful Song, Here's Lyrics

(Speaking of flotsam and jetsam, don't forget lagan and derelict.  I am derelict and my love is lagan.)

My Lagan Love
(lyrics by Joseph Campbell, aka Seosamh MacCathmhaoil)

1) Where Lagan stream sings lullaby
There blows a lily fair
The twilight gleam is in her eye
The night is on her hair
And like a love-sick lennan-shee
She has my heart in thrall
Nor life I owe nor liberty
For love is lord of all.

2) Her father sails a running-barge
'Twixt Leamh-beag and The Druim;
And on the lonely river-marge
She clears his hearth for him.
When she was only fairy-high
Her gentle mother died;
But dew-Love keeps her memory
Green on the Lagan side.

3) And often when the beetle's horn
Hath lulled the eve to sleep
I steal unto her shieling lorn
And thru the dooring peep.
There on the cricket's singing stone,
She spares the bogwood fire,
And hums in sad sweet undertone
The songs of heart's desire

4) Her welcome, like her love for me,
Is from her heart within:
Her warm kiss is felicity
That knows no taint of sin.
And, when I stir my foot to go,
'Tis leaving Love and light
To feel the wind of longing blow
From out the dark of night.

5) Where Lagan stream sings lullaby
There blows a lily fair
The twilight gleam is in her eye
The night is on her hair
And like a love-sick lennan-shee
She has my heart in thrall
Nor life I owe nor liberty

What Really Happened to Elvis

"I come in Lah..Huv and Pah..Heace"

He was on a secret Space mission for the United Nations.

Ist alles richtig mit EPL? Staff scramble to take advantage of Black Friday Deals and get back on track.

Reports that (EPL) "took the money and ran" is questioned by Director and Staff.  Background - with lucrative grants from a half dozen sources, EPL promised visionary studies into topics that include:  Lucid Dreaming, Lurid Dreaming, Human Propelled Flight, Immortality, and Wet.  The only results published so far relate to Lurid Dreaming.  The notion that research has ground to a halt was put to rest today as Director K Kanoobi  issued this statement:  "Don't confuse buffoonery with chicanery, and as my Mum used to say MYOB.".  Reporters were able to garner more info from Associate Researcher E. Penfold.  "I was given an assignment and I completed it.  I arrived at the designated location @ 5 AM, waited at the front of the line until 10 AM when the doors opened.  I purchased a "Box of Graphs" at a bargain price and returned to my abode.  Graphs make reports look cool."  When KPRk Action News visited the location, it appeared to be a deserted warehouse, raising the question "Is EPL using Bootleg Graphs for their studies?"

E. Penfold's Back Porch (photo courtesy FurtivePix)

This is Not me! It's a cartoon.

Great Thanks to all of You, especially the precious
little ones, and of course The Big One!

Occupy Xmas

Many of the same people that condemn use of the word "Xmas" because they think it is un-Christ like, are the same folks who will shop their greedy, materialistic asses off in the wee hours of the morning,  pushing, and shoving to buy some device or trinket or pastime that they "can't live without".   Don't know about Xmas (which literally means Christ's Mass), but I do believe that Midnight  Madness, Black Friday and similar avaricious acts that we practice, says more about our true beliefs than our silly little effort to ban the word "Xmas".

We believe in...

OCCUPY WALL STREET

Kalle Lasn, Founder and Editor of Adbusters, a radical anti-consumerism magazine, is also the founder of Occupy Wall Street along with his protegee Micah White.  His magazine came up with the suggestion and idea of camping out, the best place to do it, the name of the project, and the date to start.  He may have been very surprised but it actually happened.  The end game was for the protestors to throw a party, vacate the premises, and declare victory.  Police Action preempted any chance of that happening.  For anyone interested in reading more about this social phenomenon, look up "Pre-Occupied" in the New Yorker.  Experimental Philosophers are late to the game but for sociology, cultural anthropology, and political buffs there's plenty of grist for the mill.

Thanksgiving - have an Attitude of GRATITUDE

The carved Maoi Heads of Easter Island provide us with mysterious icons of a culture that flourished more than 600 years ago

Typical array of Maoi Heads with body buried.

While scientists have come to understand much about the statues, how they were constructed, and their significance to the natives, there remain many mysteries.  Excavation has been virtually halted in recent years.  Most of the Heads have bodies which are buried under them.  This has led scientists, most recently a team from EPL to find methods other than digging.  Sneaking past the Preservation Officers while team members distracted them with firecrackers and insults, EPL was able to capture "special optical images" of the heads.  The results stunned the scientific community.

Image using "special infrared zero tolerance heat mapping optics.  Mysteries remain - is this a ceili dance, a step dance, boot scootin boogie, electric slide, guys and dolls chorus?  Is Michael Flatley an alien or from another time zone?  Much research yet to be done.

Why Did Neanderthals Extinguish even though They Lived and Bred with Modern Humans?

Modern Humans and Neanderthals were contemporaries for thousands of years, living together, breeding, sharing many of the same behaviors and genetic material.  In fact nearly all humans today (with small exceptions) have Neanderthal ancestors, genetically speaking.  The puzzle is:  why did we survive and thrive and they completely pooped out as a species?  This is great fodder for the behavioral scientists and pundits but the simple truth is, according to Experimental Philosophy Lab (EPL), Neanderthals had some very annoying behaviors and customs, and as in-laws they were the worst!

they could whistle or holler or hit the wall with a stick ...

Fishing, I knew there had to be something about it that made grown men go out into the cold at 5:30 am.

Lets don't even talk about Ice Fishing!

Humans Hanging by a Thread at Top of Animal Kingdom Hierarchy

For sale - $35,000,000 once its finished. $3 as is.

Kanoobi Kanobi, Director of Experimental Philosophy Laboratory takes the stage for News Conference

  Item 1: unveiling of new Lab Coats 2. presentation of plans and budget for the next fisical year and 3 question and answers. Lets's take a look at Penfold who has agreed to model the new gear.  He is wearing a navy turtleneck under a mandarin orange jacket with minimally padded shoulders, double stitching, silk lining and navy piping.  The jacket includes a shooting shoulder patch and navy encumbers at the wrist.  To accent the jacket, in addition to navy trousers, Penfold dons a sharp sporting blue cap with orange bill and navy piping.  The jacket shows quasi military striping and insignia as well as a solid azure name tag.  This attire comes with various accessories and adjustments to create an ensemble for every day and night of the week and will be available for purchase in the lobby after the conference.  No checks pleas

Dick Palmer with EPL Exclusive Update from the Lab

*Whisper, throaty voice ) - folks you won't believe this but while waiting for the EPL announcement we ran into an old friend who works at Tom Foolery's Gentleman's Club on Canal Street.  Apparently one of  EPL elite, if I may use that term here, was a "patron"at the establishment and after a long evening of recreation left without his advance copy of a state of the art study.  My friend tried to return the item as soon as his shift ended but was unable to and offered it to me for an undisclosed amount.

What will Kanoobi have to say about this report?

Breaking News 09-487wey-((^@$*_ Experimental Philosophy Getiing Set up for News Confrerance...clickety click click s% p&u up 3...

(hushed voice) "ladies and gentlemen, we are inside the EPL compound waiting for the Director, Kanoobi Kanobi to enter the hall and take the stage to present several items of importance, and our sources tell us some very surprising information or "data"as they have labelled it.  Please stand by -w should be starting in a moment."

EPL News Release...

from the desk of Kanoobi Kanobi, this date:
It is a great burden being the Savior of Philosophy and I have done my best to wear that mantle with deservingness.  I'm happy to announce that the boil is coming to a boil, so to speak.  We have completed our first study and in the service of serendipity (the fuel that runs our dynamo) the second study as well.  Within 24 hours we will be publishing our results, once we have sufficient security.  We have also added several tasks that we hope will change mankind, for the better maybe, and forever for sure.   We want to remain as transparent as possible for as long as possible, if not more so, and all will be revealed, especially the invisible.  The complete Plan, as we call it, along with our support and funding for the next year, will be published after this news conference, after a break for pizza and beer.  Right now I want to take time to honor and thank our paid volunteers who so selflessly assisted us in our work, from the County Government....We invite them to join us in this celebration and if there's any pizza left they can take it with them.

(from l to r) Carzo, L; Wilson, W; Between the Lines Olsen; and Bonaparte XX, N

Earthquakes, whoa, just this week

I Ran Down a Rat hole

I ran down a rat hole

- no surprise to that

Except for the running bit, when

On a shuttle I could've  sat
and relaxed, and smoked
and in a slow reliable way
return to the place I started
complete and whole

the very same day.

If you hope and

wish to enter the  hole

Study a variety of ways to go
timid is ok,  but be not bold.
A hole is a hole is a hole,
 so I thought to my everlasting dismay
be clear and true and sure

From your head to your sole

of the difference tween a rat, a mice,
and a mole hole.

Flat Affect Support Group - Wednesdays in Room 201

I'm just guessing sir but I think you may be 
in the wrong room.

Teas Baggers - Vote a Straight Party Ticket - Together We Can Be Different

Try Something Different - TEAS BAGGERS
The Exception that Proves the Rule!!!

We believe in dilemmas, diversity, uncertainty, wanderlust, obscurity, malaise, trite poems, cute photos, witty sayings, witless advice,  and uncertainty.  Vote Teas Baggers and together we'll see how everything turns out!

Little Known Facts - "Singing in the Rain"

I'm happy again...

Best estimates measure the amount of rainwater contacting Gene Kelly during the filming of his famous scene at: 15 gallons per "take", or 60 cups, @4 liters.  Remember that he held an umbrella "up" for much of the performance and that some of the rainwater was from his splashing all over the place.  The scene required all or part of 21 takes to have enough material to be edited into a seamless product.  In order to have a dry pair of taps to use, the studio hired a cobbler to keep all 74 pairs in top condition. That cobbler tested the taps personally and it was coincidence that he was observed putting the shoes through their paces by the chief choreographer and was offered a part in Brigadoon.  Do you know which dancing star got their big break that way?  Originally the rain bit was a duet with Donald O'Connor but while Gene had an athletic build and  wore a 9C shoe, Don followed after the Buddy Ebsen School of Mud Whackers,  and  wore an 11 1/2 D.  He repeatedly hydroplaned during filming, even sliding right off the set.  His shots were eventually edited out of the scene.

Experimental Philosophy Lab goes into Hiding; Hopes to Complete Lucid Dreaming Report Soon; Breaking News - EPL seeking Volunteers for Monumental Study - Lab is Mum but releases clues

Clue One

Clue Two

Clue Three

EPL is needing Volunteers, adults, in good health, tolerant of unpleasant conditions, and cute, for an experimental study of wet.  Contact Penfold at EPL for more info or to sign a bond.

EPL Technical Problem Causes delay in Lucid Dreaming Report - SABOTAGE not ruled out. Lab Director Kanoobe Kanobi reportedly Lipid...er..Livid.

(DID YOU BRING YOUR BANJO?  WE GOTTA GIVE EM SOMETHING)

Original Painting for Sale

It's impossible to place a value on a painting like this, so we'll just plunk
a price tag instead. $89,000.36 (shipping extra)

On this day in History, a long time ago...

The Italian's Font was deemed easier to read.

Hot Dogs, Cola, Frenchy Fries, Stock Tips!!!

ca va?

merde, et toi?

I will stop the Zillas!

I'll dig a bigger hole to trap them...

Controversy of the Day - Tea Bags Party Platform

tea bags flag

Over the past couple decades in US there has been no lack of knee-jerk jerks with proposals for various Constitutional Amendments, e.g. Ban Flag Burning, Outlaw Guns, Outlaw Immigration, Require School Prayer, make Christianity the National religion, Ban Gay Marriage, Ban Stem Cells, Ban Jail Cells, and on and on. Our Country was founded on Revolution and as we all know, revolutions either work out terribly or eventually go ca-fizzle.  The tea bags Party platform favors a never before voluntarily tried, radical approach to government - De-Revolution, or for those who follow semantics, a Re-Revolution, take your pick (though the literature has already been misprinted with "Dre-revolution"). The tea baggers believe that the US has squeezed all the independence, human rights, and freedom possible from the first American Revolution.  It's time to throw it in the disposal and get a fresh fruit to suck on for a bit.  Here's the Platform (subject to change without notice) 

1. Revoke Independence.  Tell the UK that we're sorry, we made a mistake and won't do it again.  Give us a good slap on the ear and let us back in the house.   Besides we don't need a Constitution as long as the Magna Carta is still good.

2. Join the European Union.  Instead of competing we can muck it up from the inside and take advantage, wheel and deal direct; pit players against each other; practice magna-duplicity..

3 (optional). Make the EU pansies play real Football for a season or two.
4. Allow Pete Rose into the Baseball Hall of Fame. 

Today is the First Day of Controversy Week.

As we know the first week of November is National Controversy Week so we will dedicate a week (or until I get bored) of postings dealing with or creating controversy.  Controversy Number One is: is the claim that our country is a Christian Nation...not just that the majority of people are Christians, but that the country itself was founded by Christians, for Christians.  The men responsible for building the foundation of the United States were men of The Enlightenment, not men of Christianity.  They were Deists.

Who did the Founding Fathers pray to?

Forgot to post this one in time. My bad!

Please Ma'am, no more Candy.  I'm just here to fix the utilities.
(Be sure to get your right leg fixed too.)

tea bags party - we're for YOU!!

donate to a good cause