My wife and I had a New Year's tradition where I would carouse all night then come home the next day and she'd beat me with a club and chase me out of the house.

How much fasting for a whopper and fries?

Golf and Ronnie

Give him credit - if he keeps swinging like that, he may become
the first man to ever see the back of his own head.

Economists Predict...

that in the future, as the population ages, there will be a need to fill jobs ordinarily filled by younger folks.  So  "take heart" they say, there will be more job opportunities than ever!

Quantum Habit

Albert Einstein picked up cigarette butts off the street to get tobacco for his pipe.  He probably didn't do it if you were watching.  Relativity I guess.

GLUG, Maker of fine Soda Pops and Adult Beverages (since 2008). "the KAPOW is Free!"

Is Armageddon tomorrow? Autredamus (the other Seer) peeks into his crystal ball for a look-see.

Let us look at the "evidence".  Mayan calendar predicts the end of life as we know it on 12/21/2012.  The Hopi Indians had a very similar prediction for about the same time.

Keep your heads down folks.  If a creature as gigantic as the Brontosaurus gets knocked off his perch what chance have we got?  BTW the Mayan civilization was not pre-historic, fading out about 1500 AD, maybe

Here's some additional support for the End Argument.  In NYC the Museum of Mathematics opened! Imagine that or more appropriately imagine a straight line with a width of +/- Pi  and if etc...  We are discovering planets left and right while defrocking our closest such as Pluto and Planet X..  Experimental Philosophy has found a niche in the scientific job market and colleges are rushing to start a grad program. Sherwood Anderson or is it Anderson Cooper comes out of the closet.  We are getting ready to clone a Mastodon and I don't know why.  The Brontosaurus has lost its place in the dinosaur schtick  it never existed - poor kids with those bogus plastic figures.  Maybe they can get a refund.
.

I've been using the same calendar since 1956. It's a Bettie Page pinup calendar.  Who is she  - kind of like Cher, Madonna, and Dolly Parton wrapped into one but of the fifties.  I never have the right date but it's a nice calendar.  It don't predict things either, except when my electric is gonna get turned off.  In conclusion the world will not end tomorrow but it will never be exactly like today, which is always true.

Ping Ponging the history of Ping Pong

Ping Pong was invented by the Chinese who got the idea from the English invention of Tennis which was an idea taken from the Chinese Badminton which came from an idea for Cricket which is a form of the Flemish Hockey which is similar to ancient Mongolian Chinese game of Beikou which may have derived from the ancient Gaelic pastime of knocking the sith out of your friends and neighbors.

PS  I always check my facts and references to make sure they agree with my essays.

Scientists discover frozen water on the planet closest to the sun

Venus - for the most part temperatures are extremely high there, as much as 800 degrees.  There are however, impact craters at either pole where meteors have struck, some plunging deep into the surface,  leaving holes that never see sunlight.  It is in these places where scientists estimate lie billions of gallons or lbs or whatnot of WATER ICE,  That's enough to provide a city with ice for a year or in more practical terms, enough to supply 3 days of tailgating at a Major University or 2 days if WVU..

Scientists reassure citizens that there will always be enough ice for important things.

Tea Drinkers sue Tea Party for Trademark Infringement - and WIN! de facto

“We had a kettle; we let it leak:
Our not repairing made it worse.
We haven't had any tea for a week...
The bottom is out of the Universe.” 
― Rudyard Kipling

Rave Reviews for this Finnish Film - "Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale'

This film is a total GAS, first rate Banger.  It focuses on a group of local reindeer herders whose Christmas is disturbed by excavations on the  Korvatunturi mountain in Lapland  A scientist has ordered a team of workers to dig open what he calls "the largest burial mound in the world". An explosive used by the team uncovers what is referred to as a "sacred grave". However, the occupant of the grave is the source of the original Santa Claus myth (which actually began in this Region); a supernatural being who, rather than rewarding good children, punishes the naughty. One family, however, manages to catch the culprit in a trap, and plans to sell it to the scientist to cover the losses caused by his excavation.

The story is wacky but is so well acted, well-written, and original it's hard not to like it.  Very little violence but scary nonetheless.  Both adults and kids (older than 7) can enjoy it.  The kid pictured above is the hero but not in a kid-like way.

.

Mathematicians get riled up? Refuse mandatory Overtime.

Let's say that we have a set of  whole numbers that consists of all the odd numbers that exist.  The resulting set is infinite.  Now imagine a set comprised of all  even whole numbers, 2,4,6, etc.  This would also make an infinite set of numbers.  Now add the two sets together so that the new set consists of all whole numbers, both odd and even. The new set is also infinite but it is bigger than each of the other two infinite sets!!.  It is infinity????  If something is infinite, how can anything that is also infinite be more infinite?  Infinite is infinite, a never ending, endless compilation. If I have a collection of numbers (set) that is bigger than any number that can be conceived, and always will be, how in the bejeebers can I have a different set that is greater than that??  This po'd a lot of mathematicians.  The solution or explanation - I don't think there is one.

This is bound to get a lot of "hits" eh?.

Redheads, just saying...

 A 2004 study showed that redheads require, on average, about 20 percent more general anesthesia than people with dark hair or blond coloring. And in 2005, researchers found that redheads are more resistant to the effects of local anesthesia, such as the numbing drugs used by dentists.  Studies have also shown that Irish, and particularly Redheaded Irish, have a higher alcohol tolerance threshold.

Reheaded-ness is a recessive gene linked to the gene for pain tolerance, discomfort, being cold, irritability. I was often teased, people asking "you got a hot temper Red?  That really pizzed me off!!

Regarding the generation of electricity from PEE, perpetual motion machine now possible.

Johnny Wackadoo and little friend Piddles O'Reilly

"Electricity from piss? another round for everyone!  Pee is gonna make us rich!"

Aphorism

"what doesn't kill you makes you die slow" - Me*

*I wrote down this aphorism and made a note that it was mine but reflecting on it I wonder if I didn't pilfer it from George Carlin or Mitch Hedberg.  It sounds like their stuff.  If you know, let me know.  Otherwise I'll claim it.

Happy Halloween!

What about the raisins?

The good ol days, when life was simpler and happier. Ever wonder Why?

7 UP - introduced in 1929, contained the following ingredients:  carbonated water, sugar, citric acid, lithium citrate, sodium citrate, and essences of lemon and lime oils.  Lithium citrate is a chemical compound of lithium and citrate that is used as a mood stabilizer in psychiatric treatment of manic states and bipolar disorder.  They stopped using it as of 1948.

"Come on over Johnny.  We're going to have some soda and reefers"

What separates us from the Beasts? Written Language!

...And then along came Nostradamus

What separates us from the Beasts? GEAR!

Grandma gets ready to plant some string beans and 'maters.

Gunless with Paul Gross as Sean Rafferty, the Montana Kid

A digital painting of a digital image from a screen capture of the Canadian Film, "Gunless"

And here's a closeup so you can see the "brushstrokes".  I did the painting part of this.  Really neat I think, and opens up all kinds of painting possibility cheats, like in the olden days.  I like a "painterly" look, not too detailed.

George Boole, inventor of Boolean Algebra fails to make his mark in history

Stay in School Boole

George Boole is, in the end, a disappointment to the current generation.  He was all set for a banger of a moniker and yet passed on the opportunity.  Imagine the interest in the young folks if instead of  "George", he was Joole Boole, Casper Boole, Cool Boole, Tool Boole, Fool Boole, Boole the Ghoul, Stool Boole,  or any other hipster cred.

Cheating

I'm not saying that Ron cheats, but I think he's already marked his score for this hole!

Kids just ain't interested...

Ahh, the Wilderness!

Heyo Mate, Great day to be Out in the Wilds, Eh!

Pediafiles Prohibited

Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia, has been criticized as being nothing more than a depository for  "facts by consensus" or "truth by committee".  These jabs may be accurate and deserved but seems to me that for a population little concerned with facts, realities, details, subtlety of knowledge, or thinking too much, Wikipedia is truth.  - and probably more than we deserve, ME.

Most Overrated Genius Ever? old Series, Candidate #1

Candidate 1: Johannes Kepler, astronomer, physicist, mathematician and MURDERER? The guy on the right may have been poisoned by JoJo, who may have wanted to steal his mentor's data. Investigation is currently underway. Both these guys are creepy looking. If mustaches could kill, they'd both be dead.

Overrated Genius No 10

Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb, the phonograph, and the video camera, among other devices and processes. He had over a thousand patents in his name and his inventions changed the nature of life and communication in the world. Unfortunately he promoted his video camera in Sweden as the "Pornograph" (also changing the nature of the adult entertainment industry), thus making him a candidate for #10 on the overrated genius list. He is also rumored to have coined the marketing term "Gentleman's Club", which he often frequented in disguise. His famous quote (seen left) is a derivation of the original which went "Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent sweaty dancing girls!"

No 7 Candidate - Not Jack Daniels

Alexander Graham Bell

At his Canadian estate in Nova Scotia, he experimented with composting toilets. This in itself was enough to dim the luster of his amazing accomplishments. It's equivalent to fumbling the football on the one yard line when you're about to score. A genius who plays with excrement! We were going to throw a party in your honor, Mr Bell, but we decided not to invite you, cause....you know, your latest work. Ewww!

Bob Newhart figured out a way to go back in time to be a genius writer. Evidently he traveled back and forth but never told anyone about his secret discovery. As Edgar Alan Poe, a genius writer, he'd write some gags and then travel forward so he could deliver them on stage as Bob. Mr. Newhart declined the opportunity to explain how he was able to time travel, or why it was necessary to go back in time to write gags. His secret stays with him for now.

Trick or Treating, Halloween 1998

Edgar, the inventor of the mystery; writer of many kinds of fiction including horror, sci fi, short stories, etc.as well as essays, was said to be a drunk who died of alcoholism. This is in dispute. One theory is that he was tired of writing and wanted to be a stand-up comic. Since he was familiar with the occult, he died in order to come back as a great comedy genius, Bob Newhart. Throw a mustache on Bob and take away the smile...eerie.

Being that I am afflicted with MPD I've determined that I myself represent my biggest fan base. So I need to go with the demographics and give them, me, what they, he, she wants. I am deep in self-study and have been ever since I discovered my interesting parts. So far with my self-study, buddhist teachers, and detailed police reports, I have discovered 17 personalities within me. I believe I will uncover some more once I find where they are hiding.

The interesting phenomenon is that 12 of these personalities are very similar to each other, virtually copies of one another and they compete for equal time.

My Papa's Waltz

by Theodore Roethke

The whiskey on your breath
Could make a small boy dizzy;
But I hung on like death:
Such waltzing was not easy.

We romped until the pans
Slid from the kitchen shelf;
My mother's countenance
Could not unfrown itself.

The hand that held my wrist
Was battered on one knuckle;
At every step you missed
My right ear scraped a buckle.

You beat time on my head
With a palm caked hard by dirt,
Then waltzed me off to bed
Still clinging to your shirt.

Overrated Genius Candidate No.2

Candidate 2. Mark Twain/Samuel Clemens*. Notice that the big floppy mustache motif continues. One of the most read and respected American Writers of all time, famous even in his lifetime He was at times a cranky disorganized geezer, writer, and thinker. His editors should get half the credit. He wrote criticisms of contemporaries such as Jane Austen, James Fenimore Cooper, and George Eliot, for $ of course, in the "tooth and claw" style of literary criticism that he invented. He also invented the "Albert Einstein Look".

*He is not known to have murdered anyone and he had many honorable qualities. He reportedly combed his hair with a spoon.

BIll Gates goes #2 and makes millions doing it!

Bill is now #2 (on the world's 10 wealthiest list).

"In one regard poor people are very lucky.  When there's a down turn in the market, as a wealthy person I could lose millions in a single ordinary day.  Po folks would lose pennies, if anything.  You see, everything evens out!" - Me*

*(boy! do I feel lucky!)

 

Sex, Jennifer Anniston, Armageddon, Angelie Jolie, Pope Leo XIV, Science, the Event Horizon, Viagra, Long Life and the Antler Hunter

The Antler Hunter enters a new area today, the RAVINE, looking for more finds.  Oh, the title of this post has nothing to do with much, just some keywords to get some google hits, ha ha.  Should be titled "the Antler Hunter enters the RAvine, poor maroon."

maybe i will find the good looking Ukraine chick down there, i hope

requiem for St Valentine Day, revised

Love Paen, revised


give me a girl with a lisp,
that smells of bread baking
and walks with a limp
a turned in foot,
a hitch and a list in her gait
behind the boyos gather,
hope dream and wait
her nose and its bend
so the rise of her distant blue eyes
to look past her leavened lips
in a whisper
words flow slowly
from ideas two flights up
to close slow attentive pace
her thoughts
her breathing
her joints
her held-in ideas,  in a rhythm
like i've never seen
with the speech
the gaze
the gait,
she has me if she wish.

Matthew Cook, War Art - Great Work

One of the Best in a long line of war art correspondents (link)

WERE you but lying cold and dead, And lights were paling out of the West

You would come hither, and bend your head,

And I would lay my head on your breast;



W B Yeats

And you would murmur tender words,

Forgiving me, because you were dead:

Nor would you rise and hasten away,

Though you have the will of wild birds,

But know your hair was bound and wound

About the stars and moon and sun:

O would, beloved, that you lay

Under the dock-leaves in the ground,

While lights were paling one by one.

Valentine's Day

Antler Hunting Bonanza? Part 2.

Found a mostly complete skeleton.  Its still being analyzed.

Antler Hunting Bonanza, Part One of 3

Tired of talking the talk, I walked the walk...ten steps...stop...gasp...look around...have a smoke...ten steps...stop...you know the routine.  But since I had a full pack of cigs I stayed out longer and kept searching and by Crickey I found some artifacts.

Item One:   a Arrow!    I stopped to whiz and a arrow came whizzing by.  It is now in my collection of Whizzardy Artifacts.

Van Gogh's only Sale Prior to Morte', Bought by his GF

The Red Vineyard (Paintings of a Red Vinyard have also been discovered but are believed to be cheap reproductions.

Art, Artists, and Artistes

Vincent Van Gogh lived a very ascetic life but not by choice - he had little money.  He sold only one painting during his time. Then he croaked by his own hand and now only millionaires can afford to buy one of his paintings.  The lesson to be learned - don't wait!  Purchase one of my paintings now for 40...50...99.99% off the future retail price.  Paintings (starting at $70 K, before discount.) on sale now!!!  Special this week only - Buy any Two Pictures and get a free copy of my latest work. 

"the spohp[fj"*

*In the days before typewriting became common, many typists in training would enroll in l'Ecole de Clerique in the province of Saxony.  The school offered two classes: 1 - Home Row/Touch Le Typing and 2 - Faire du Lettres et Nombres.  If one class was already fully enrolled the student would be placed in the other.  It was common for a student to begin touch typing before learning where the letters were.  "the spohp[f" is the representation of such an effort.  It is not known what the word was intended to be but for certain it is in French and most likely rude.

EPL s In Search of...the Ivory Billed Woodpecker, nah, more deer and antlers

As a photojournalist I often surprise myself.  I snapped an archival photo for my portfolio and my assistant Penfold, looking for Mayan symbols in the arrangement of foliage,  happened to notice something unexpected - two deer in the bottom right.

Here's a blowup of the marked section in the upper photo.  You can see one deer clearly in the bottom right, looking at me.  Directly above her, on the other side of a fallen log, you can see a deer (little fuzzy) heading left but also looking at me.

Its Necessary to Plan Wisely if you Plan on being a fulltime Antler Hunter*

My good buddy and Financial and Spiritual Advisor, "Homeless Raconteur de Noche".  One of the things I admire about Noche is his genuineness.  He's a genius.  He arranged his finances so he could retire early (at 29) and is doing as well as ever.  At 45 he has time for fishing, golf, boche ball, lurking, and of course antler hunting.  Few real heroes left like him.

*and Aphorist, Theoretical Theorist, Experimental Philosopher, Seer, and Poeteer (go Eeers).

Polyglots versus my old beer-bellied, big boobed GF Polly Glugalot, an Experimental Philosophy Bit

When in the Navy I met a lot of sailors who could speak certain phrases and words and service agreements in many languages.  I thought that was cool. These were all Glugalots.   We know of people that speak several complete languages, sometimes more than a dozen. Impressive.  Then we have the Polyglots.   Harold Williams (de New Zealand) met with delegates at the League of Nations (predecessor to United Nations) and is said to have conversed easily with each delegate in the delegate's native tongue.  I can't do that in my own language.  American Kenneth Hale could speak 50 languages fluently.  He learned Finnish on the flight from US to Helsinki!  And Japanese after a single viewing from the Shogun TV Series.  What the...!!

This info was sampled (ha ha) or ripped if you prefer. from the book Babel No More, by Michael Erard.

Heck, Pshaw to Hell and Back! A Ruse. Oh, Well, there's Gotta be A Plop and the End of the Antler Rainbow.

Is it Universal Orange, Blaze Orange, or Hunters Orange.  I'm wearing a Sherbet Orange. Poachers do not recognize the rules anyhow.  And except for the wounds my Monday is good.

Finally Success!! Or is it?? File under "Antlers".

At last I got a closeup.  This one still has his antlers.

To Find Deer (and their damn antlers) You Must Look First for "Deer Sign" (copyrighted tip from The Antler Hunter)

Yeah, this is where I started looking.  Watch Out for Vehicles! 

And here's a Bonus Tip:

Jelly Beans??  Nope, its Deer Oopay.  Remember - we're not looking for the Holy Grail, are we?

Antler Hunting (ad nauseum)

Not only am I an Antler Hunter but I'm also a bit of a Wildlife Photog.  The credentials keep piling up like merit badges.  I'm researching how many I need to be an Italicized Renaissance Man.  BTW it's pronounced "ree naay sense" by us on the inside. I took this lovely shot with a HP Smartshot with a Blah Blah F-stop and zero point blah lens.  It took several tries before I got the blurring correct and the faux lack of perspective.  There is a DEER in this Photo.  If you can locate it I will send you a frame able copy for free, plus my Newsletter - Antler Hunting Tip of the Day.

Ha, I Have Them in my Sights!! Antler Soup Tonite

The snow has melted for now, leaving the ground soggy.

Notice the darker path.  Its slightly muddy and hoof prints follow the trail.  This path is narrower than some and winds through light thicket.  Many of the paths I've seen lead through much rougher ground, through briars and thick scrub and more heavily wooded areas.  Most are hard traveling for a human.  Some appear nearly impenetrable.  Am I a poof?  The deer must think so.

The Fools! I Am on Their Trail. Yep, Still More Antler Hunting

This is a process so I am proceeding.

More narrow trail but not uncomfortable and hoof prints to guide me. Common and well-traveled trails are for deer, like for human highways, familiar, reliable, and normally predictable paths from important place (e.g. water,) to important place (e.g. feeding ground, shelter).

Antler Hunting Continued, Continued

I continue to search.  This shows me coming into the area where I think they bed down. I try to be stealthy, without showing off.  A friend told me that my chances of seeing deer were much better if I left my dog at home.  I didn't have a dog but I bought one so I could leave it home and improve my chances.

This is me going home after traipsing around the woods for awhile. I'm new to this community but I'm forming impressions already.  I stopped at the bank to ask directions, as I was a little lost.  They acted very rude.  The Kwik and Go And/or Stop folks made up for it though.  They gave me money and cigarettes without me even asking.