Hurrican Irene is Over and Another may be On the Way!

Autredamus, the Other Seer, folds under pressure, releases football score predictions

With the Football Season once again Upon Us, We Sit Down with Autredamus, the Other Seer, for Some Foretellings

I'll Stick with the Tea!

• Fungi from Chernobyl will develop sentience but it will be decades before they can communicate with us because of a mutated gene that causes mumbling and a stammer.
• In an attempt to rebuild his advertising empire T Woods will strike a deal with BK to replace the fat-headed King.  He will be paid month-to-month starting at six figures – $1200.75.
• In a related story, the T-bag party, unable to drum up sustained support for politics, switches to alternate causes, including restoring the Burger King, Making Pluto an Planet Emeritus, and passing a constitutional amendment to declare Cher officially Old but still Bangable.
• The T-bag party eventually splinters when Joe the Plumber realizes and informs Sarah that there is tea diversity, creating a philosophical split between green, black, oolong, white and looseleaf-Columbian teas proponents

*Autre will not make football or futball predictions until he's placed his bets. He does not want to disturb the nature of competition or some such crap.

Where to find Me the Next 3 Days, with some canned beans, water, good book, flashlight.

At least I've got my health (for now).

I felt the Earthquake too

I felt the earthquake

Acme Mask Several Men and a Fraction Special - Charlie Sheen

Offer Not Valid in School Zone

Little Known Bits of American History and Folklore - Johnny Appleseed did not act alone!

Gus on the Job!  Emigrated from County Carlow

Johnny Appleseed is routinely taught to schoolchildren as a one-man phenomenom.  In fact, he had a team of men and women devoted to the Cause.  LeafBlower Gus* was an essential part of the Plant-a-Tree Project, though little is known of his specific role.  He was believed to be paid in apples of various sorts and recycled the seeds back to Johnny (kickback scheme?). Gus eventually parted ways with JA when he joined jazz bands in the Big Easy as a journeyman blower.
*footnote:  Winston the Great SnowBlower, Gus' first cousin, did not support Appleseed's ideas and refused to be a part of the project, for various reasons.  

More Acting Tricks of the Trade - Dolph Lundgren

Here's two shots of Dolph - notice how the change in lighting angle and background affects the overall mood and look of the character.  Makeup also changes the look. Which angle and background would you prefer as an actor?

Dolph speaks 7 languages.  He has an IQ of 160,
    a  Chemical Eng. Degree and lots of chicks. 
Also actor, writer, director, editor, producer, 
gaffer,etc. I'd vote for him for Prexy if they 
change the constitution.  Hell, I'd sleep with him if 
I was gay (and if he were).  I'm not, I'm just Takei.

Help Needed to Identify Historical Photo

The Photo is known to show a gathering of great thinkers and doers.  The date and place are not identified so if you can help, you will win a prize.  On the bottom row, Mme Curie, Siggy Freud, and Bertie Einstein are chumming it up for the occasion.  Between and behind Curie and Freud is Autredamus, The Other Seer.  He had a special relationship with Mme Curie but this entire group often sought his counsel and advice on new and important ideas.

Acme Mask Chairman of the Board

RON PAUL 4 PREXY!!!

Acting Lessons from the Best - 4. Tom Cruise Acts Cool, Clever, and Bangable

He's almost as good as Nick Nolte

Acting Lessons from the Best - 3. Tom Cruise acts the Action Hero Role

Tom is Way Better than Nicholas

Volunteer Tasters Needed - Apply at Sudsy Cola Labs

Acting Lessions from the Best - 2. Nicholas Cage acts the Lovable Fool

Acting Lessions from the Best - 1. Nicholas Cage acts Dramatic Role(s)

His best technique is to be related to Hollywood Big Wigs.

Acme Mask Halloween Sale Special of the Week -ARNOLD!

the Arnold Series

Autredamus (the other Seer) Predicted He Would be Cleared of Charges of Collusion -Submits Voluntarily to Brain Scan

Scan Clearly shows no thoughts of deception, collusion, or moral compass.
Also cleared prima facie, of exchanging sexual favors for insider info.

The Other Seer, Autredamus was cleared of charges that he had advance insider information leading to his multitude of correct foretelling.  He faced possible legal, moral, and social penalties related to fraud, idiocy, excessive joshing, and bunkery.  Scientists at Jack Hopkins Research Center and Alehouse publish results of Brain Scan as Autredamus promises Transparency. 

Overrated Genius No 10

Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb, the phonograph, and the video camera, among other devices and processes. He had over a thousand patents in his name and his inventions changed the nature of life and communication in the world. Unfortunately he promoted his video camera in Sweden as the "Pornograph" (also changing the nature of the adult entertainment industry), thus making him a candidate for #10 on the overrated genius list. He is also rumored to have coined the marketing term "Gentleman's Club", which he often frequented in disguise. His famous quote (seen left) is a derivation of the original which went "Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent sweaty dancing girls!"

1) "Never attribute to malice anything that can be adequately explained by stupidity."  -  Hanlon's Razor

Its been said many times, many ways but because we are stupid we need to be reminded frequently..

2) "In  human activities, there is always an element of stupidity." - Me, Aphorist

"Attention Shoppers"

Overrated Genius Candidate Number 9

Bob Newhart figured out a way to go back in time to be a genius writer. Evidently he traveled back and forth but never told anyone about his secret discovery. As Edgar Alan Poe, a genius writer, he'd write some gags and then travel forward so he could deliver them on stage as Bob. Mr. Newhart declined the opportunity to explain how he was able to time travel, or why it was necessary to go back in time to write gags. His secret stays with him for now.

Trick or Treating, Halloween 1998

Signs of a Competitive Economy?

Number 8 and maybe #9 Candidates

Edgar, the inventor of the mystery; writer of many kinds of fiction including horror, sci fi, short stories, etc.as well as essays, was said to be a drunk who died of alcoholism. This is in dispute. One theory is that he was tired of writing and wanted to be a stand-up comic. Since he was familiar with the occult, he died in order to come back as a great comedy genius, Bob Newhart. Throw a mustache on Bob and take away the smile...eerie.

Astrophysicist Pisses in SETI Punch Bowl - Annual Awards Dinner Cancelled

Cancel my subscription to the Newsletter

The universe is of infinite limits and there are billions of billions of places where life might exist, so it makes sense that there are likely other intelligent beings. Unfortunately we are unable to currently get signals from most of space. Astrophysicist Howard A. Smith tells us that we are not able to detect signals from more than 1,250 light years, a tiny speck in the scheme of the Cosmos;  and in the small region between here and there, we are probably the only ones.  The conclusion he makes is that though there may be millions of inhabited planets, they are currently not in our range of communication and its likely to be a hundred or more generations before they are.  So for all practical purposes we are alone, and effectively on our own in the Universe.  What a buzz kill for all those searching. 

On the Hierarchy of the Almighty's Creatures, Mankind Loses More Ground,

Invertebrates comprise about 95% of the animal kingdom.  We make fun of them because their nervous systems are much more rudimentary than our internet-pron-filled noggins, and they can't get cable.    Infortuniuma we are behind  in other areas.  We once thought that we had hundreds of thousands of genes in the human genome and that we'd never map it in our lifetime  OOO-we are so complex!  NOT.  Current studies indicate that we have about 20,000, maybe a couple more. Creatures of all sorts, sizes, shapes, and phylum are getting ready to Cut In Front of Us in the Creature Line.  20,000 Genes!??  - WTF, A RICE GRAIN has 38,000!

Sgt R. Grain tells a parable to the Mustard Seeds

No 7 Candidate - Not Jack Daniels

Alexander Graham Bell

Notice the swollen left cranium

At his Canadian estate in Nova Scotia, he experimented with composting toilets. This in itself was enough to dim the luster of his amazing accomplishments. It's equivalent to fumbling the football on the one yard line when you're about to score. A genius who plays with excrement! We were going to throw a party in your honor, Mr Bell, but we decided not to invite you, cause....you know, your latest work. Ewww!

I Painted This From a Photo

I like the composition, the capture of a relationship. I'm not quite finished with the painting. I want to do a little more work on the figures.
I'm using a different method than I usually use. A lot of glazing with a few brushstrokes and lots of palette knife work. I think it gives the image a different look and feel than a straight up painting. I personally like a painterly picture where the paint is as much the subject as the subject..
I also use a bare bones palette of 3 acrylic colors - burnt sienna for red, yellow ochre for yellow, and ultramarine blue for the blue. Plus titanium white. Some gel medium to make it nicely spreadable and a secret experimental technique that is a secret.

Why am I gibbering on? Why does the hound dog howl at the moon? It's his nature. Additionally I'm being pretentious, a poseur. I talk about my "palette" like I was a grand master and my fans want to know all the details.Like a vanity photo shoot its one of giddyup kicks of bloggin - .  Speaking of vanity photo shoots, look here this is what I could look like if I wasn't me. And plastic surgery to do your nose or whatever. I marry a girl with a petite nose and distinctive chin - we have kids and they look like rodents! You tricked me. Off button Mikey. Click.

PS. A swell prize to the first person that correctly diagnoses my mental disorder. Heck a swell prize to anyone who gives me a cool diagnosis, even if its wrong.

6,six, Oh Heck, Another, Candidate 6

Leonardo da Vinci, polymath: painter, sculptor, architect, musician, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, botanist, writer, blah, blah blah. Leo's problem is that he entered himself in the Polymath Genius category. He should have just gone for plain genius. He did not know plumbing; was an average cook; and had no thoughts on golf, rugby, or darts. One rumor is that he made a deal with the devil to be a genius. Notice that his photograph is washed out as though he was a ghost or something. This pix must have been taken after the devil collected his soul.Tip for those young genius applicants - don't enter in the polymath category unless someone (wink wink) is on your side.

Candidate #4 and the Biggest Mustache in the World

Candidate 4. Frederich Nietzsche.

He wrote critical texts on religion, morality, contemporary culture, philosophy and science, displaying a fondness for metaphor, irony and aphorism. His key ideas include the death of God. After that, all his prayers for success, good health, and wisdom went mysteriously unanswered.

The psychedelic drug in magic mushrooms may have lasting medical and spiritual benefits.

Psilocybin is known to trigger transformative spiritual states, hallucinations, and other weirdness.  If the dosage is wrong it can result in terror and panic. Johns Hopkins researchers  were able to reliably induce transcendental experiences in volunteers, which offered long-lasting psychological growth and helped people find peace in their lives — without the negative effects. The study was published in the journal Psychopharmacology.

Make a Note to Reduce Mr Pickles dosage,
but ask him to change that light bulb 
since he's already up there!

Martin Heidigger Leers as Overrated Genius #5

Now this guy's got one inadequate mustache, but what a forehead! What other problems? He had a poster of the Fuhrer over his bed. The Fuhrer had a picture of him in his wallet.
Heidegger claimed that Western philosophy since Plato has misunderstood what it means for something "to be", tending to approach this question in terms of a being, rather than asking about Being itself. Bill Clinton was following this line of thought, I guess, when he asked for clarification of the meaning of "is".

Marty practicing his Leer

Head shot for his audition for "Guys and Dolls". He did not get the part.

Most Overrated Genius, Candidate 3.

"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler."- Albert Einstein
Let's work with this to see how much wiseness we can suck from it. If I made his quote simpler it might go like this: "Simple as possible - not simpler." I'll steal that one for myself. We know he quit looking for those pesky electrons and once again he fails to follow the path to its logical end. His aphorisms are incredibly lucky blurbs that were unintentionally wise. Also known to have stolen "Albert Einstein Look" from Mark Twain.

Einstein Covering up a Blemish

Trick or Treating, Halloween 1952

Hypochondria?  Doc, that's about the only thing I haven't had!