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| Kanoobi Kanobi |
"We...can't ride our early success;we gotta invent new schtick! Sciences that gets the most funding, publications, books and articles, student enrollment, tv and movie consulting, have the following in common:
- Unique idea, discovery, or twist around on old find. Don’t go plowing through old shit like cure for the cold, experimental new fuels, etc. Scratch that.
- Scary, Greedy, Creepy, Lurid, and/or Bizarre. Must be a stunner that appeals to the philistine side of humanity – e.g. can’t be something as dull as discovery of a new form of H7 antigen, it’s gotta have big schmenga – e.g. scientists discover molecule that writes poetry
- Carnival potential – got to be wacky research, discovery of fountain of youth molecule; hybrid potato aphrodisiac; invisibility power within grasp, shit like that
- Gimmicky Analogies. You need a catchy Madison avenue metaphor or analogy that can be a smashing headline - star no hotter than a cup of capucino; gigantic wave pool discovered in space; stars turn into diamonds; Mel Gibson forgiven by JDL; exaggerated ludicrous claims
- Thick Verbiage You must explain the research in thick verbage with latin, greek, and math symbols thrown around, so no one understands any of it EXCEPT the Big Spin – blah blah blah, like a boiling kettle of sasaphras tea, for eg.
- Based upon this analysis and the consensus of EPL, we have a plan, including areas of study and all the rest. It will unfold as time goes on and we get some paying gigs."
PS: A clever nickname or mascot might also be useful.
