No One Has Ever Been Able To Make a Decent Tasting INSTANT Coffee!

Maybe they could try using Stem Cells

Mikeys Numbers, Statistics Rule

1. number of poets making a living from their poetry - 10, since the beginning of time.
2. number of hustlers making $ giving poets false hope and schemes - this week, 439.
3. number of truly altruistic acts in the month of December (avg) any year - 14, including 6 by the almighty and 4 by people who didn't realize what they were doing.
4. number of nuns across the world who secretly danced in their cubicle, before the Beatles, - 12
5. number afterwards - 6703, excluding those who were only able to tap their feet
6. average number of bricks in a 10 story building, 378000.
7. average number in a looting event - one.
8. avg number of times that a harried mother ignores her child saying "mom, mom, MOM!"before acknowledging 15.
9. number of times the acknowledgement is followed by the phrase "no need to yell" - every time
10. average number of times a waitperson enters the "no" door on a slow night -12.
11. average number of times a waitperson enters the wrong door to the kitchen on a busy shift - one
12. number of times the phrase "what goes around, comes around" on a daily average in USA - 2,900,000
13. number of times that it actually comes around - 41.

Nostradamus - Couldn't He See It Coming?

Overrated Genius Candidate #2.

Mark Twain/Samuel Clemens*. Notice that the big floppy mustache motif continues. One of the most read and respected American Writers of all time, famous even in his lifetime He was at times a cranky disorganized geezer, writer, and thinker. His editors should get half the credit. He wrote criticisms of contemporaries such as Jane Austen, James Fenimore Cooper, and George Eliot, for $ of course, in the "tooth and claw" style of literary criticism that he invented. He also invented the "Albert Einstein Look". 
*He is not known to have murdered anyone and he had many honorable qualities. He reportedly combed his hair with a spoon.

the Bell Curve

Just think how stupid the average person is, then realize that half of them are even stupider!' --George Carlin

Most Overrated Geniuses (or Geniui) of All Time

Candidate 1: Johannes Kepler, astronomer, physicist, mathematician and MURDERER? The guy on the right may have been poisoned by JoJo, who may have wanted to steal his mentor's data. Investigation is currently underway. Both these guys are creepy looking. If mustaches could kill, they'd both be dead.

Today's Best Internet Tip ...

Don't Forget - Gravity is ALWAYS On!

Mikey's Top Five Irritating Expressions

Arguably - used every day in phrases such as "arguably the best shortstop in the league"; "arguably the greatest thinker since Einstein" etc. There is no way to misuse this word because everything is arguable, making the word a totally useless and meaningless adverb. This is arguably my most hated expression. It literally drives me up the wall.

Arguably the best looking man ever.

No Problem - When said by a service worker, friend, colleague, whoever, after you thank them for something they did or gave. It is so impersonal; as if they are barely tolerating you. Seems more common to Gen X's who say it dispassionately in a low monotone; and Gen Y's who say it with more feeling and pleasantness, as if they enjoy helping the unworthy person that you are.
Literally - through rampant misuse of the word it has become acceptable to use it to emphasize a point. In old days the appropriate word would be "figuratively" , "metaphorically" or something else. Literally used to mean "exactly, without exaggeration or hyperbole". Now one can say something like "when I got home late my wife literally exploded!" If only.

"Have some more fruitcake. You've only had one little piece." - no explanation necessary, eh?

Tie for #5 between::
"Step out of the car and keep your hands where I can see them". What'd I do? What'd I do?

" This might be a little uncomfortable." Especially overused by Proctologists. Samuel Johnson would have told them to state it plainly - "this is gonna hurt like L!"

Does time pass at the rate of one second per second? Bradford Skow of MIT says not!

Remind me not to invite him to the next cookout!

Time Flies

Autredamus (the other Seer) Predicts - "Tiger to Become Mouse"

Currently one of the least popular athletes, Tiger Woods is "re-tooling" himself, firing his long time caddy, not playing in tournaments, working on his swing, getting medical treatment, eating cheerios, etc.  His next change will be his Moniker.  Trying to win back the fans and sponsors he will give up his "Tiger" name, which is now associated with much disgrace, for one more endearing.  He's taking suggestions.  Mine is Topo Gigio, the mouse. Or Weasel, Stinkbug, Bedbug, Hound Dog, Slime Mold, Lion (pun), or Dumass.  Other suggestions welcome.

Whoops!  Sorry ladies, I thought this was the men's locker room.

Tiger Still Not Out of the Woods

Who'd You Think I Meant?

More Faked Hubble Photos

Look Carefully in the Bottom Right Quadrant

Wally the Night Watchman making his rounds.

Smelling the Past

Despite its primacy in our lives, our sense of smell is often overlooked when we record our history. We tend to connect with the past visually  and sometimes auditorily. Technology is making it possible, and historians, scientists, and perfumers are now taking the idea of smells as historical artifacts more seriously.  Their efforts have already made it possible to smell fragrances worn a century ago, to re-create the smell of a rare flower even if it goes extinct, and to better understand the smells that ancient cultures appreciated or detested.  (ripped off from Courtney Humphries' article, Whiff of History in Boston.com).

My History Grad School Advisor says I'm a real  prodigy in stink.

the (d)Evolution of Fungi Part 5 - Fast Food French Fries

The renaissance of French Fry Fungi stopped dead in its tracks in 1967 when the Frozen French Fry with Preservatives flooded the fast food industry, resulting in the extinction of 37 varieties of mold and fungus.

What's a guy gotta do to get on the Endangered Species List?

Yet More Fake Space Photos - Firestorm of Star Birth in the Active Galaxy Centaurus A (allegedly)

Yea, like heck.  Here's the photo posted on-line at the Hubble Site

The Original Unretouched Photo used to Fake Hubble Stuff

Interpretation of Latest Autredamus (the Other Seer) Slowtrain

Autredamus predicts: Climate change continues to change our planet and affect the way we all live, work and play.  Having been ignored by "Environmental Saviors"  Santa made changes without their help or approval.  Toy delivery will now originate from a distribution center in remote Mongolia; flow through another center in Thailand; and be delivered by  subsidiary franchises of FedEx, UPS, DHL, and others.

Low on Capital, he works as a Bike Msgr in Key West to bring in Cash.

Another Message from Autredamus (the Other Seer)

Found on the back of a gumwrapper stuffed into a empty bean can in the wilds of Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, or someplace, lookers found what appears to be the discovery of an undiscovered slowtrain of Autredamus.

"They'll never figure this one out."

"there once was a big furry dude
with rotund surface and convivial mood.
of single purpose a doer of good
with many small friends and plenty of food.
things started to change and mess up his range,
he pleaded for help and many times more,
was never invited to the meet and greet,  or speeches of gore.
back to the wall, he met with his friends, his help, and his pets
to sort out a plan that would keep him in biz and cover his bets."

the Evolution of Fungi Part 4 - 1600 AD French Fries

@1600 French Fries Invented - Fungi Delighted and Advance Forward

Evolution of Fungi 3 - Indus Valley Civilization 3000 BC

Public Bath House - Athlete's Foot Invented

Evolution of Fungi, Part 2 - the birds nest fungus about 145 million years ago

Hey, What's for Breakfast?

From the Lecture Series of Theoretical Theorist Mikey - the Evolution of Fungi

"See Ya, Don't Wanna Be Ya"
Part One: about 1400 million yrs ago fungi split off from 
other life forms, without even leaving a Note.

Some Good News For Radioactivity Fans

Wow, what a Buzz!

Don't let all the news leaks about radiation leaks get you down.  A few years ago scientists found evidence that life forms were living off the radiation at Chernobyl, the site of the worst nuclear disaster known to man.  In fact the little  beings are THRIVING on the gamma radiation near the core!!!  The life form is Fungus but what the hey.  Everyone's got a little fungus in their family tree.

I stepped into a poem,
a pile of droll,
a splat of angst,
a plop of someone’s soul
warm words squished now gone cold
adhere to my shoe and stop me
my step unable to escape the pull
of someone having been here
the proof of being, though spat and splat and scattered
even though the words and phrases squirted
how a catsup packet explodes
cries and hollers and feelings underfoot.
the flattening, the annoyance, the disruption in my course
I think leaves them  for whatever reason, flattered
even as annoyance on a shoe they finally mattered..

More "nothing new under the sun."

The tied-shoes over the telephone line - been around awhile and fraught with myth and symbolism, most of which is just that and nothing more.  It's a sign of our times BUT it was actually started back in the middle ages.  Folks not only threw shoes and boots over the laundry and other lines but also threw hunchbacks, morons, warlocks, heretics, debtors, and unpopular people over the wires until the Magna Carta was issued in 1215.!

There Really Is "nothing new under the sun".

"Flash Mob" is a term that currently means a coordinated group surprise event or unexpected activity, in unison, in public.  Included are such things as a large group seemingly at random breaks out in the same song; a large seemingly unconnected group suddenly turning into "statues"; or the same tactic with dance or some other wacky idea.  Most of these are intended to be harmless but frequently are disruptive, annoying, or worse.  We think its a "hip" modern idea.  The first flash mob recorded in history is Hannibal's use of a "Freeze Mob" at the Battle of Cannae, grabbing the element of surprise when they "Un-Freeze".  He was able to pull it off several times before the Romans got wise.

Depiction of the Battle of Cannae - first recorded Flash Mob - the old Freeze/UnFreeze gag, deadly clever in this case.

The Twists and Turns of Science and Discovery

Nikola Tesla, a protege of Thomas Edison, was as OCD about germs, cleanliness, etc, as his protege and sometimes co-worker Tom was about inventing the "stink machine".  Nikola was amazing in developing viable systems for the delivery and use of electricity,  wireless energy transfer, electromagnetism,  and a ton of other stuff.  His biggest achievement as far as 21st Century Civilization is concerned, is the invention of the Particle Beam, Death Ray, or Teleforce Weapon as it was variously called.  Conjecture has it that he invented this after being totally PO'd that the Nobel Prize in Physics was awarded to Marconi for radio in 1909,  Nik believed (probably correctly) that he invented the device.  The Death Ray (a great sublimation of his OCD) to our benefit, made it possible for Modern Mankind to experience...DOCTOR EVIL

Necessity is the Mother of Invention

Thomas Edison did not believe in Bathing or Changing his Clothes

so it was up to his young wife Mina to invent the Air Freshener.

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