With the Football Season once again Upon Us, We Sit Down with Autredamus, the Other Seer, for Some Foretellings

I'll Stick with the Tea!

• Fungi from Chernobyl will develop sentience but it will be decades before they can communicate with us because of a mutated gene that causes mumbling and a stammer.
• In an attempt to rebuild his advertising empire T Woods will strike a deal with BK to replace the fat-headed King.  He will be paid month-to-month starting at six figures – $1200.75.
• In a related story, the T-bag party, unable to drum up sustained support for politics, switches to alternate causes, including restoring the Burger King, Making Pluto an Planet Emeritus, and passing a constitutional amendment to declare Cher officially Old but still Bangable.
• The T-bag party eventually splinters when Joe the Plumber realizes and informs Sarah that there is tea diversity, creating a philosophical split between green, black, oolong, white and looseleaf-Columbian teas proponents

*Autre will not make football or futball predictions until he's placed his bets. He does not want to disturb the nature of competition or some such crap.